


Beginnings and Things

by Xiao_Xizao



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: ABDL, Ageplay, Diapers, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiao_Xizao/pseuds/Xiao_Xizao
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has a little secret, emphasis on little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginnings and Things

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: If you're not into ABDL (Diapers, ageplay, etc.), just don't read this fuckin' thing. I don't want you lambasting me with comments about how gross I am based on a dislike of shit you're not into, ya dig?
> 
> Okay so basically I wrote this like a year ago and I liked it so here it is on AO3.
> 
> Enjoy and, as always, tell me what you think.

The heavy door creaked open and in slipped Dave Strider, gripping a plastic shopping bag in one hand. He stepped in slowly, taking in his apartment’s living room and kitchen. They were long familiar, but never quite the same. One could never be certain what or who might be misplaced and lurking in a corner, under a futon, even in the refrigerator. 

Dave held his breath as he closed the door, lifting it just a bit and sliding the latch gently back into its groove. He looked around, eyes darting in between kitchen and living room; a red motion blur underneath two rounded lenses. 

Nothing, as far as he could tell. None of the webcams were obvious, Cal was nowhere to be seen, though he never trusted his assessment of where his Bro might be. Probably out doing so something that so totally kicks Dave’s afternoon plans in their bulbous felt ‘tocks. He’s got better things to do than grill me for where I’ve been and what I’m doing, Dave said to himself. He moved quickly, across the living room to the hall, faking out once or twice to confuse any motion detectors that were no doubt in place somewhere. It was child’s play. Ducking under a marionette, over a banker’s box of vintage magazines, and he was at his door.

Dave gave it the same treatment as the first door. Bro stayed out of his room, mostly, but had been known for more than a few rude interruptions. Best to just pretend I’m not even here, right.  
The latch sliding into place met with Dave’s relieved sigh. Subtle, but present, enough to at least give himself reassurance that the danger had passed. His fingers tightened around the shopping bag, double layered, and weighed down by a light package. He didn’t even give it a second glance when he casually tossed it over to his bed, jammed his hands in his pockets, and strutted over to the particleboard and concrete desk in one corner, plopping himself down and getting his ass to work on all the serious business he’d missed out on.

Damn, the cashier had been the worst part, barring the pacing. Never once a discrepancy on the face, though. Wouldn’t, couldn’t let anyone see that. The slight flush, heart palpitations, all things that would completely wreck the reputation that Dave held with a nameless college-aged Korean girl and her stringbean friend stacking cans of Spaghetti-O’s near the door. Picking up his prize and walking to the register was excruciating enough. Actually giving it to someone and jamming crumpled bills into their hand was another matter. But whatever, it’s all good. Not even a wry smirk. Thank God no one else had been waiting in line, though. You’d never call Dave Strider chickenshit, but damn, sometimes a man’s just gotta make a judgement call, you know?

He snapped back to the present when the sonorous tone of Pesterchum firing up dismissed the memory. Why was this occupying so many thoughts? I mean it’s not like it was that important… Well, okay, nevermind. It was. Dammit it so was. But he had other things to do, at least for a few minutes, and refused to let one satisfaction of sick curiosity invade his obsessions.  
Some snarky bullshit would clear things up straight away. 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: hey so did you finish the thing  
TT: Which thing?  
TG: that totally secret hush hush project you wont stop sending me pics of  
TT: Oh, right. John’s gift.  
TT: It’s almost done. I have a few more personal touches to add.  
TT: I need to make sure that it’s as perfect as it’s going to get before I send it.  
TG: haha right damn mother hen right there  
TG: birds actually push their babies out of the nest so they can fly  
TG: idk just send him a rabbit without a head and some cryptic passage from this ocean charles that oughta fuck with him  
TT: Chickens don’t fly.  
TG: yeah well no with that attitude they dont  
TG: i mean did you ever see chicken run  
TG: damn that was a fucked up movie  
TT: I did see it. I figured you for a fan.  
TG: hahaha as if i need to dig myself deeper into the uncanny valley  
TG: no thanks  
TG: these are the wrong trousers gromit goddammit  
TG: youre a smart dog you know what neutering is  
TG: bow bow bow yipee yo yipee ayy  
TT: Repping the big Eazy today? That seems a little uncharacteristic.  
TG: hey just cause i love the dogg doesnt mean i cant love his rivals  
TG: and what the fuck did you actually listen to the music that i sent you  
TT: I *like* the music you send me, even if I am a snooty, upper-class white girl.  
TG: yeah you probably wipe your ass with copies of the new yorker right  
TG: that must chafe  
TT: As must masturbating in a ten-gallon hat with a lasso tightened around the base of your penis.  
TG: ahahaha fuck well youre probably into that  
TT: That seems like the pot calling the kettle black.  
TG: what the hell are you talking about  
TT: You always lambast me for apparently being “into” all sorts of weird, kinky shit.  
TT: But the noble gentleman forgets.  
TG: wait  
TG: no fuck you that didnt happen  
TT: I have the chatlogs right here. I’m having my attorney copy them in triplicate as we speak, legal notarization pending.  
TT: Though frankly of all the pictures you could have accidentally sent, you could have had better taste.  
TG: yeah well i have things to do that arent talk to you anymore so yeah bye

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TT: Oh, Dave. You’re such a baby.

Well, that did a fantastic job of distracting him. But Dave was thankful that his attention had been turned back to other matters. I mean, he did spend a good twelve bucks on this endeavor. Dave spun in his chair and picked himself up, lagging his upper body to fluidly pop into place, locking into place and twisting his head to admire his reflection in the window. Cool as a fucking cucumber. He picked up and slid his feet, together, and shuffled towards his bed, promptly tripping on a audio cable. He caught himself, gracefully tumbling onto the bed, but his maneuver didn’t account for a bit of gaff tape that caught the cuff of his pant leg, leading to the swift clatter of a mixer onto the floor. Dave jumped, but hesitated, relegating the equipment to the embrace of his carpeted floor. He had more pressing matters right now. 

He turned his attention to the plastic bag he’d discarded earlier. His body went quiet as he reached over, Dave could feel it. A little touch and he was excited again, pulling the package out of the double-layered bag. Fuck, fuck, why am I getting so excited about this, I haven’t even opened the damn thing, he thought. Dave finally had the thing in two hands again, and looked it over: A package of diapers. 

Okay, well, they weren’t proper diapers. They were the pull-up style, made for older kids and teenagers who still had bedwetting problems. Dave knew he wasn’t exactly in the target demographic, but hey, whatever works. He’d considered other options, but even for his slender body, he didn’t want to risk not fitting into the ones that were actually made for babies. And adult diapers? About twice as awkward as buying these, he figured, as he had paced around a different aisle at the supermarket. There’d be no question about whether or not he was buying for himself, but still… 

Whatever, he was satisfied. He knew that. His excitement was palpable. Part of him really wished that he’d stop falling all over himself over something so mundane, and so genuinely weird. Fucked up, maybe. But everything else was flushed and bordering on cracking a wry little corner smile.

Dave turned the package over in his hands a few times. Blue plastic, somewhat generic packaging, but they were name brand, at least. He figured they’d be better than store brand. He thought it a bit odd how much thought he’d put into this, but then, Dave was known for his little obsessions. Not that he’d admit that to himself. This was just as cool as all the other shit that he did.

Well, probably not. He was trying to figure out ways to swing this to himself as he stood and stretched. He dropped the package briefly and looked around the room again, focusing intently on the door for a few moments before directing his attention to his trousers. 

He fumbled with the fly of his pants. One pervasive thought he couldn’t shake was that even though Rose knew about his, ah, interest, he didn’t really mind. Even, he thought for just a minute, even liked that she knew, somewhat. He couldn’t shake the suspicion that she assumed that he liked her knowing. Or even more horrid that she herself was in some weird way getting off on this herself. The thought made Dave flush, heat hitting his face as cold air hit his bottom, pants dropping gracelessly to the floor. 

Dave couldn’t help but chuckle at his pantslessness. He disrobed daily, and would admit to taking a bit too long to admire himself in the mirror, but something about this was doubly absurd. Probably that he was still wearing a shirt. Or maybe that he was about to put himself in a fucking diaper. Yeah, that was probably it. He smiled. Forced, toothy, absurd. He pushed his shades up the bridge of his nose and stepped back over to the bed, bending over to grab the package. He felt twice as naughty bending over for a moment. Oh fuck did I really think the word naughty. Goddamn I’m so fucked up, that was so fucked up. Dave decided to preempt another internal monologue with action, and tore into the package along its perforated line. He inhaled at the sudden contact with an actual diaper. Dave grabbed one between two fingers and whipped it out, dropping the package back onto the bed and examining his true prize. 

It was mostly white, but with red designs. Fucking jackpot is what. He couldn’t help but think on the absurdity of decorating his crotch with word-art and BMX bikers, but hey, if you’re already going to humiliate yourself, might as well go all the fuck out, right. Besides, the designs were rad as hell. He fingered the leg openings, briefly disappointed at the lack of a plastic exterior, and the babyish scent that he’d expected, but realized how retarded that would be for diapers made for teens to be anything but subtle. He figured that was the reason for their thinness, too. He’d expected diapers to be thicker, based on the pictures he’d seen. But then, those were proper diapers he’d looked at. Dave shook his head and stuck his hands into the leg holes, opening up the diaper and expanding it, stretching the… Fuck, was this elastic? Whatever material they used on the waistband. No, this couldn’t be elastic, they wouldn’t throw elastic away like that. And elastic’s like rubber or whatever…

Right, back to business. He turned the diaper over, seeing a faux tag marking what was supposed to be the back. He turned them to face the proper direction, guessing they’d just slide on like a pair of underpants. He blushed harder as he bent over, brought up one leg, and placed it through the diaper. The other followed promptly. 

The waistband expanded as he pulled it over his skin. Little hairs had started to come in all over his legs, but so blonde you couldn’t tell they were actually there. The cloth-like material touched each contour of his legs, the toned calves and thighs from hours of jumping and flash stepping and combat practice. Like the rest of his body, his legs were still thin, in spite of being relatively muscular. He was thankful for that. The diaper handedly slid into place. Over the duration, Dave had done his best to ignore the fact that he was at least somewhat, ah, “excited”, though it was somewhat unavoidable as he pulled the padding up over his groin. A hand slipped through the band and made an attempt at adjustments. No, not even that was gonna ruin this for him. 

His hands dropped to his sides. It was made for someone his size, relatively, but Dave was thankful yet that the diaper fit him as well as it did. He looked down, under his shades, and admired himself. A glance in the window reflected this. He couldn’t help but smile, one big genuine grin before flopping on to the bed, twisting himself to face the ceiling. 

Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the risks he’d felt earlier today, Roses’s playful sociopathy, nothing. Dave just stared at the ceiling, feeling progressively more infantile as the seconds ticked into minutes. No judgement in the world could corrupt this feeling. He’d never been this comfortable before in his life; it was bliss. He decided to rest his eyes for a few minutes, closing off the rest of the world as the repetitive hum of his fan rocked him into a gentle sleep.

That was years ago, now, but the experience came to Dave frequently. At least when he was in one of those moods. Tonight was one of those nights.

Well, tonight probably wouldn’t be the best description. As far as the crow flies, it couldn’t tell one ass-backwards day on this godforsaken rock from another. Time passed only as well as his clock kept track, though the consistent reliance on artificial light and the far off glow of a distant Skaia had lent themselves to an unorthodox sleep schedule. 

Still, Dave put aside time for his hobbies. And staying in and wearing diapers for a night was no different from writing sweet lyrics. He couldn’t believe himself making that comparison, wondering how in what logic he could justify it. But he promptly stopped caring. More important things at hand. 

He hopped up from his bed and put down his cans, not bothering to pause the music. Mos Def faintly ran the alphabet in the background as Dave checked the door, then caught himself as he almost looked around to check windows that didn’t exist. He exhaled, leading into a smile. But he couldn’t have any of that. Cool as a cucumber. In a bowl of hot sauce. He turned on heel and walked back, lifting his cape over his head and discarding it to the bed in one fluid motion. He always kicked off his shoes when he got into his room, but the cape usually stayed. I mean, come on, let’s be real here. 

The closet wasn’t exactly a provincial bifold with cute little bronzed seashell handles. Or whatever. Dave figured that it had probably been used to store… Something monstrous. He slid the door open and marveled on its size. It never ceased to amaze him, even after using it almost daily for nearly a year and a half. 

The closet held Dave’s collection of fucked up dead things and happened to function as a handy improvised darkroom. But Dave hadn’t touched his photography equipment since they’d set up shop. In a way, he figured as he passed the disused enlarger and containers of chemicals, he’d only set the thing up because he had space and because it reminded him of home. That and there was nothing to take pictures of in the incomprehensible void. But the closet was perfect for having all his shit together in one place. And for hiding things that ought not be discovered. He didn’t expect to keep any secrets from Rose, but she could find the most fortuitous path up her own ass for all he cared. It was Terezi and Karkat that he was more worried about or, God forbid, Gamzee getting into his shit while he was lurking around wherever. 

Dave moved some things around in the back of his closet and came upon the box, picking it up and sliding a hand across the cardboard lid, curling a smile just slightly before turning and moving back. He returned to his bed and picked up his cape and music player, setting them aside to make way, dropping the box and removing the cover. 

The contents had substantially improved from Dave’s first stash: A half-empty package of custom diapers, powder, wipes, and even little bells-and-whistles like a pacifier and bottle, some coloring books and crayons, even. He still got excited whenever he did this, but the routine was far more mundane to him now. Still, plenty special. And in the little time that he got to spend alone on the meteor moments like this were valuable. 

Dave pulled a single diaper from the pack. It was thick; very thick. He’d slaved over a hot disignix for days trying to covertly come up with a card combination that would yield what he needed. He’d only worked when everyone else was asleep, though he could have sworn that the first night he’d actually made something he could have heard boorish clown giggling coming from some dark corner of the lab. 

The thickness was probably the best part. Far more tactile, far more absorbent. The smooth plastic covering was a godsend, reflecting on the disappointment in his first experiences with cloth covering. The custom designs were a personal accomplishment of his: Obligatory Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, and some classic Cool Dude and Stoner Lou. Some fucked up, no-doubt vaguely Freudian inclination had resulted in Smuppet and Muppet Babies diapers, too. One in every pack was officially sponsored by Doritos. 

The one that Dave held was covered in Smuppets. The trim was red. Dave figured he should keep in with a certain theme of things. He mused on the thought of the rest of his team having diapers of their own, color coded and everything. He threw the diaper to the bed and pulled out the powder in thought: John would just look hilarious. The thought of Jade wearing sent a surge through his face and reflected in his pants. Rose… Good Christ why am I thinking about this, okay. He couldn’t admit that he didn’t mind the thought. But… But she’d probably be into the other side of the kink, Dave reflected.

It had been subtle. Rose knew about his fetish long before they met. So every now and then there’d be a chiding, teasing innuendo dropped. Thankfully the troll’s grasp of that part of human culture was nebulous at best, so the references slipped past them. But they hit Dave, and that’s all that mattered. Every “Aww is he cranky” or “Stop being such a baby” with slanted raised eyebrows and smirks warranted an awkward chuckle and prompt topic change or weak self-excusal. Ugh what a fucking shrew.

No, enough of that for now. The routine was memory to Dave at this point. The diaper was unfolded, and lightly powdered. Pants slid to the floor (Most days Dave didn’t even bother to wear underwear) and Dave hopped up, flipping over to position his bottom as accurately as he could on the padding. He’d gotten fairly good at diapering himself, but there were still little inconsistencies. He squeezed a bit more powder out of the bottle and rubbed it into himself. Dave felt himself enjoying it a bit too much, but did his best to ignore it. Just getting himself diapered usually warranted more feelings of being little than it did full-blown arousal. Most days, at least. 

The rest was history. The front was pulled tight up and over his groin and two tapes fastened the diaper securely. Dave sat up, wriggling himself just a little bit and admiring his job. The tapes were a bit sloppy, but the padding was thick and he was content. He hopped up and stood, open to the room. The diaper was thick enough where he didn’t fully close his legs most of the time. Better that way, he felt. He spun on heel and returned to his box, putting the powder back and retrieving his pacifier. He set it on the bed and picked up his box, closing the lid and quickly taking it back to his closet. He’d need the supplies later, so he just tucked it behind the door and hit the button. He could quickly feel himself becoming progressively more and more… Yeah, little was probably the best way that he could put it. He didn’t bother to suppress his smile. He was alone, after all. A bottle of warm milk and the right tracks and he’d be coloring the shit out of some dinosaurs in short order.

The sound of the door sliding shut must have masked the one sliding open. Dave nearly slammed his head into the door as he spun around to address the sudden sound of a thin, pasty throat being cleared. Oh my fucking fuck what is she doing here right now. The door was fucking locked.

Rose stared at Dave, a sly grin set into her face. She had a hand on her hip and the other holding a key card. Dave impotently groped at the air, not sure what to do next. Calling the situation delicate would have done it no justice. He had to keep a level head.

“Jesus, don’t you ever knock?” He asked, frozen in place, trying to gauge the situation. He couldn’t think of anything reasonable to do next, “I guess you’re here ‘cause you found my spare, huh.” 

“Yeah, you keep leaving your stuff all over the living room. It’s starting to get a little annoying, honestly.”

“Wait, which living room?” 

“The one next to the kitchen.” She said. Dave thought on that for a moment.

“Not really helping.” He said. Rose playfully grimaced and hucked the key card at him. Dave only moved his arm to catch it gracefully between two fingers; the rest of his body was still frozen in place. So. Fucking. Cool. They stood there in silence for a second. Dave glanced across the room at his timetables, laying on the floor next to the rest of his audio equipment. One spin and he could rectify all of this, but...

“So…” 

“Well this isn’t exactly how I wanted you to see me.” 

“Always with old news,” Rose said, started to pace, never taking her eyes off Dave, “But interesting nonetheless. You know, that one odd picture you sent me back in the day didn’t give me much to work with. Though I never thought seeing you like this directly would be nearly as…” She paused and it lasted for fucking ever. Dave knew she was enjoying every second of it, “Vulnerable?” 

“Pssh, right.”

“Well I guess this is the second time. I did notice a bulge and a few crinkles one night when you came upstairs to grab dinner one night. Daresay quite the bold move for the sake of a bit of an exhibitionist thrill. It was difficult convincing Terezi not to press into this odd, sweet scent that somehow attached itself to your groin.” She said, stopping her paces at Dave’s desk, leaning over and supporting a hand on the cold metal. Dave hadn’t even thought about whether Terezi was on to him. He’d managed to keep things fairly well under wraps. She’d have been the first to realize something, and he had been considering breaking it to her somehow… But of course Rose would pay attention to this shit. That was no surprise.

“Haha right, I guess I’m not nearly as subtle as I figured. Now, let’s get you out of here and never ever speak of this ever again.” Dave took two steps forward and stopped, realizing how ridiculous his gait was with the thickness of his padding and the accompanying crinkle. Rose giggled. The killing blow was the dainty little fucking hand placed on her snooty thin fucking lips. He stopped before he embarrassed himself further, checking the composition of his face and pausing to twist back on heel and sit down on the bed, with a dramatic ‘poof’ as his weight hit the mattress. 

“I mean it’s not like I haven’t known for years. I’ve always known that you’re a pretty fucked up guy, if I may be so frank.”

“Like I could stop you.”

“Feel free to be more open here,” she said, hitting the actuator on the door and sliding it shut, “No need to be so restricted.” Oh, now she was big league fucking with him. The implication punched Dave straight in the heart, but he couldn’t let it show on his face. It was so… No, no.

“Right, right, like I want to be any more open about this. Fucking this.” He said, circling his diaper with a hand for emphasis. Rose shrugged in concession. 

“Why not? We all need an outlet. ‘Sides, I’m just here to look out for you.”

“Ha! Good one.” 

“Oh you know I’d never spill this to anyone. Even with Karkat regularly dumping his bagged off with me. Even Kanaya. You misjudge me,” she said with a smile that cackled. Rose pursed her lips and gave Dave a long, hard look, focusing on his diaper. Dave wanted draw his legs together and gripped the sheets, but that would show weakness, and give her more ammo than he was willing to supply. She was right. Part of him liked this. This exposure, this involvement of someone else, even her. Especially her, maybe, “Your tapes are crooked.”

Dave glanced down and examined himself. Indeed, his job was a bit off, “So they are.”

“Seems like a bit of assistance is in order, then. I do have to look out for my baby brother.”

“I’m a day older than you.”

“Pfft, like you’re fooling anyone dressed like that.” She said, straightening herself out and walking towards Dave. Oh christfuck why is she getting closer. What the hell does she think she’d doing.

“What are you…” Dave trailed off, red eyes transfixed on pale skin as she stopped and reached her hand forward towards his padded crotch. He jumped back, recoiling to the head of his bed, “Jesus what the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you drunk?” Rose couldn’t help but smile.

“Buzzed, maybe. A little bit of motion blur, and while I’m still cognizant of my decisions I have the inebriated wherewithal to ignore whether or not they’re good ones.” She didn’t stop there. She hopped up on the bed and crawled forward. Dave was still. She stopped well in front of him, and sat crosslegged. Dave noticed she’d kicked off her shoes. Her toes were green. Dave imagined a chiding, internal laugh to himself. 

“It’s obvious that you can’t handle this yourself. Let me readjust your tapes and I’ll be on my way.”

“Yeah totally let’s get to it and make sure that the thing that you just said never happens in this or any timeline ever. I mean I knew you wanted my dick real bad back in the day but now that we know that we’re kinda sorta, you know, brother and sister that’s real fucked up, dude.” He wouldn’t punch at her, and he knew that a physical escape would only get him so far from her… Clutches. A verbal defense was all he had at this point, “I mean, this, this whole baby thing is pretty fucked up anyway. But whatever, I guess, because apparently you’re totally into that! Maybe we’ll run across Freud in a dreambubble somewhere and you can personally give him a blowjob and congratulate him on completely destroying my ability to think about fucking your mother in spite.”

Rose openly laughed at that one. And Dave found himself laughing, too. They laughed together for what felt like much longer than it was.

“You know I don’t think that all of… this is really all that fucked up at all,” she said, rolling her hand in Dave’s direction and still chuckling to herself, “This whole thing is kind of cute. Both for the basic surface aesthetic and the no doubt layers of psychological mire that accompany it.”

“Ha, well you would think that, wouldn’t you.”

“I know that you do. Even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself.” 

“Well of course I think it’s cute and hot and completely fucking awesome. That’s kind of the package deal.” Dave said. He realized that he’d replied genuinely and hung his head back, roughly resting it against the steel backboard. He exhaled an expletive and sat there for what was probably more than a minute. Rose pensively watched him in silence. That didn’t help. 

“Fuck,” He said, picking his head up and hopping forward, flopping back to rest his head on the pillows, “Yeah, do whatever.” Dave said, motioning to his diaper. Rose cocked an eyebrow.

“Really? That quick?”

“It’s not like this is totally not the result of years and months of attrition. And if we can get real for a sec yeah you made some points back there. And it’s not like I could stop you.”

“Really.”

“Well it’s obvious that you want to twiddle around with my junk and call yourself ‘mommy’ or whatever. Either that or you are really fucked up when it comes to pulling pranks on people. Either way, the gambit goes to you. Lay it on me.” 

He adjusted his glasses, expecting her to take it as a bluff and go, but Rose just shook her head and moved quickly. A deft set of fingers kept Dave’s mouth glued shut as they danced from tape to tape, promptly securing his padding. Rose admired the job she’d done, slightly tipsy as she was, and padded Dave’s crotch. She squeezed his groin just a bit and grinned. A kink was a kink, as well as she knew. Dave quickly brushed her hand away, grimacing. Rose smiled at him.

Adorable: did she really think that? Rose couldn’t imagine a better word to substitute. While she’d admit to harboring a desire to try something like this for a while, well contained though it was, even she was surprised with how quickly she’d taken to it, and how good it was making her feel. The gin probably helped. 

“Just admiring the product. These designs, though…” She said, running a finger across the smooth plastic strip of Smuppets.

“Not a word.”

“I never imagined them to be so thick.”

“Yeah well good grist goes to good diapers,” Saying that word aloud was still weird to Dave, but even more so to someone else, “Gotta do it right, you know.”

“Do they, uh… Hold a lot?”

“What do… Oh duh, uh,” Dave paused, but realized that it made little sense to hold anything back at this point, “Yeah, they do.” Rose giggled, which solicited another whispered swear from Dave. She playfully smacked his thigh.

“I’ll have none of that from my baby.”

“Oh my God you just went there didn’t you. But hey, now you did the thing. So it’s time for you to go.”

“Ah, but then you’d lose out on the pleasure of my company.” 

“A tragedy of the ages.”

“And one that you’ll have to endure for just a few minutes.”

“Wait what do you-” Dave was cut off as Rose deftly grabbed and stuffed Dave’s loose pacifier into his mouth.

“No more of that. I’m going to go grab a book and give my baby a proper bedtime story. Can’t have you having any bad dreams, can we?” She bopped him on the nose and gave him a telling, half-sadistic grin. She’d won this in every way imaginable, and Dave’s eyes told her that he knew that just as well. She turned and tiptoed to the door, quickly bounding away.

Dave sat on his bed, awestruck and still in disbelief. There was a warm feeling growing in his stomach: Anxiety, stress, excitement. Comfort. He sat motionless for a while before collapsing back onto his bed, arms splayed out in surrender. 

“What the fuck just happened.”

**Author's Note:**

> Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/6MVJfUf8


End file.
